Insomnia.

So... J. and I are going to the Catskills next week for a mini-vacation.

It was too sad to think about not going anywhere at all this break so we booked a last minute mid-week trip this past Monday. We're going Tuesday through Thursday and we'll be staying at the same hotel we stayed in for my birthday last year, The Roxbury Motel, which we LOVED - see pictures above/website below.

(http://www.theroxburymotel.com/)

I am excited to go and spend some time away and alone with J. but am still sad we're not leaving for a tropical vacation tomorrow. I wish very much that we were going on a cruise again this year. Or to somewhere we'd be able to beach and swim and cocktail.

Oh well.

This summer?

Maybe by then I'll be able to sleep through the night.

Also:

I was so sick yesterday I thought I was going to die. I am not a baby; I have a pretty high tolerance for pain and while I may be whiny when I am sick, I certainly think I do not exaggerate or cause an unwarranted fuss. I mostly just want to be left alone. Sometimes I want ginger ale and a baked potato. Usually I just want to sleep.

Yesterday, however?

I was a sweating, nauseous, shivering mess of a person who couldn't sleep, couldn't move, couldn't eat, couldn't get out of bed...all of a sudden. After work. Maybe bad sushi for lunch? Maybe a crazy less than 24 hour virus? Because I feel so much better this morning.

J. went out with everyone and I stayed home and watched four episodes of "The Wire" and quietly groaned every once in awhile.

I am so thankful to feel better this morning.

Now, let's get to gardening and pedicure-ing to ring in the first weekend of Spring.

Spring:

is here!

Feeling better-ish.

Mostly because of: http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/shakerlove/shaker-love-every-salt-shaker-needs-a-home/comments

So much:

rain.

Doctor.

So.

Doctor Round 1 - We found out, essentially, nothing.

J. has to have several round of tests/analysis done in the next couple of weeks and then will see another Doctor at the end of April who will then let us know how he feels we should proceed.

Apparently, our options are for J. to have the surgical procedure or to have sperm extracted through a less invasive procedure; the extraction would then involve IVF procedures for me, though.

Not sure how I feel.

I guess I think we should do whatever statistically will make the most sense for us.

And we won't know what that will be until April.

Which is frustrating.

I'd like to get on with this.

Also - terrible work. Hate it. Trying to be positive and start over but I just can't wrap my brain/heart around how to do that. Just sort of want to run away and start fresh somewhere else at something else entirely.

Spring...

...is almost here! It is beautiful out today - sun shiny and warmish and breezy. Hopeful feeling weather.

I can't wait to get to gardening. I swept up most of the leaves that were piled up on the patio the other night and turned over the planters to dry them out. There are little buds popping up on the hydrangea! Exclamation point!

Usually, J. and I go away the week of Spring Break but we haven't gotten our taxes done yet and are seeing the doctor next week so we're not sure if he'll be having surgery that week...if we don't go away, that week will be all about getting the backyard beautiful which usually has to wait til Mother's Day weekend.

I wonder what we can plant that early?

I'm so excited to have a new backyard to play with. With real grass! Exclamation point!

Bad day.

Had a bad day at work.

Feeling sad.

I bagged up some leaves and moved pots around the backyard since I can feel the subtext of spring in the air today.

I am anxious for flowers and vacation time. Mornings with coffee and books in the sunshine.